


Change Myself For You

by sweet_caroline



Category: Dream Team - Fandom, MrBeast - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Karl Jacobs-centric, Karl reads a bunch of hate comments, M/M, Other, Protective Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Sad Karl Jacobs, Sapnap is worried
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:08:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27437869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweet_caroline/pseuds/sweet_caroline
Summary: Karl was acting differently.That was a fact.But why?Chris and Sapnap are worried and they are going to get to the bottom of it. Even if Karl insists he's fine.
Relationships: Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 50
Kudos: 767





	1. prologue

Karl was acting differently. 

That was a fact.

Chandler, Chris, and Jimmy had all noticed, but none had actually taken the initiative to talk to him about it. All too scared to say something wrong.

He hadn’t even been a part of the team that long, but in that time they had all gotten attached to the over excited boy. No matter what the comments in their videos said, Karl wasn’t going anywhere. 

At least they hoped he wasn’t. 

For the past couple months he’d been spending more and more time streaming. Becoming closer with the so-called “dream team” in a matter of weeks. A feat that had taken them months. 

Ever since the 24 hour live stream though something was off. They all admitted that maybe they could’ve been a little nicer about the needle phobia, but Karl had already insisted that he wasn’t upset about that. There had to be a reason he wasn’t talking to them though, a reason he was quieter in everything. The videos, his streams, even his twitter wasn’t as busy as it usually was. 

Something was wrong with Karl, but they couldn’t figure it out themselves. 

*

Sapnap was proud of himself. 

He had never gotten as close to someone as fast as he had Karl.

He’d been part of the Dream Team for a while now and he wasn’t even as close to Dream and George as they were each other. But Karl. Karl was his. 

They were friends now and he felt as though they could talk about anything that the other two Dream Team members could. 

The only issue was though, Karl was getting distant. 

He was cutting their phone calls short. Making up excuses to cancel streams. Even his texts were short and blunt. 

Nick was starting to worry. Had he upset Karl? But if this was just about him why was he cancelling streams? 

It wasn’t until he got a text for an unknown number that he really started to worry. 

*

**Unknown**

What did you do

**Nick**

Sorry I think you have the wrong number??

**Unknown**

This is Sadnap isn’t it

Why is Karl upset

**Nick**

First of all it’s SAPNAP

And I didn’t do anything 

Who are you

**Unknown**

This is Chris

I work with Karl

And he's been upset 

And the only reason I can think of why is you

**Nick**

Look I don’t know what your on

But Karl is my friend and I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him

How do I know it wasn’t you

**Chris**

Well that’s the thing

I don’t know

But your best friends

He has to have told you why he’s upset

**Nick**

Karl hasn’t told me anything

But he has been acting different

**Chris**

Quieter?

**Nick**

Yeah

You’ve noticed it too?

**Chris**

Yeah

And I’m worried

**Nick**

So what do we do

I’ve already asked him what’s wrong

He won’t talk to me

**Chris**

Ok don’t be mad

But I think we are gonna need to find out ourselves

Karl isn’t going to talk to us unless we force him

Is there anyone else he would have talked to?

**Nick**

No way

He spends all his time with either you guys or the dream team

And I’ve already talked to them

None of them are as close to Karl as us

**Chris**

You were going to come visit Karl soon weren’t you?

**Nick**

We talked about it

He seemed excited

But last week he told me to wait

Said he was too busy

**Chris**

Well I think you should come anyway

Karl isn’t busy

We haven’t scheduled any shoots 

And he hasn’t been streaming

**Nick**

So he’s just making up excuses

That means he doesn’t want to see me Chris

**Chris**

No 

Karl didn’t shut up about you for weeks

And if you haven’t done anything to upset him

Then something else is bothering him

So I think you need to come so we can get to the bottom of this

**Nick**

Ok just tell me when and where and I’ll be there

*

Karl smiled as he scrolled through the comments on the newest Mr. Beast video. They’d filmed it weeks ago, before the 24 hour stream. He laughed at his own jokes about Jimmy being stuck in ice played on the screen. The laugh cut off though when he scrolled a little too far down. 

He remembered the first comment he’d ever gotten that made him feel like that. Before he’d even joined the channel when he was with Jimmy's brother. The only challenge he’d ever won, 24 hours in candy. He remembered being so excited when that video came out, but all of that joy dissipated when he had read the comments. Faceless people saying how annoying he was, how he shouldn’t have won the money, how they wished he wouldn’t be back. 

He remembers how much those words had hurt. 

He had brushed it off though. It didn’t matter though because weeks later he’d been asked to join the MrBeast channel, and no matter what those people said he was happy.

Cause they were just jealous.

Right?

But the longer he’d been on the channel the more it started to hurt. It wasn’t until the 24 hour livestream though that he’d realized it might not just be the commentators that thought he was annoying. 

He’d been so scared to get a tattoo.

But they didn’t seem to care. They made fun of him as he his face from the camera. He’d brushed it off at the time of the stream, just assuming it was lighthearted teasing. 

Though when he’d looked at comments after the fact an overwhelming amount of people were making fun of him. It hurt. But not even half as much as one comment pointing out how annoyed the rest of the crew seemed with Karl.

He’d played the moment over and over and over.

And they were.

They were annoyed. 

They thought he was annoying.

He decided then that he’d have to fix this. He read thousands of comments saying everything annoying about him and made a list of everything he would need to change. To make the crew like him, and maybe Sapnap would like him better then too. 

All he had to do was: dress more normal, stop making dumb jokes, change his stupid laugh, and most importantly talk less. 

Easy. Just change everything about himself. And then maybe just maybe they’d like him. 


	2. Two Tiny Little Dots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this chapter takes place right after the 24 hour livestream BEFORE chris and sapnap talk  
> thought that might be important to keep the timeline straight  
> carry on

“Karl are you ok in there,” a voice Karl assumed was Chandler yelled from outside the bathroom door. “We are about to leave if you want a ride home, I don’t think you should be driving when you haven’t slept in 24 hours.”

“Yeah, uh, I’ll be out in a second,” He tried to make his voice sound normal, but he had a feeling it sounded less than fine. Hopefully Chandler was too tired to notice. 

“Ok try not to take too long, Chris is getting cranky.”

Karl tried to even out his breathing, his chest still feeling heavy. His hands shook as he stared down at the two black dots now permanently etched into his skin.

God he felt so stupid. It was two tiny dots and here he was having a straight on panic attack on the floor of a bathroom. He tried to convince himself it was a valid reaction due to his phobia of needles, but the more the other three boys voices echoed in his mind about how much of a baby he was the more his hands shook. 

He knew they weren’t being mean on purpose. It was harmless teasing. That’s how they always treated each other, but god why couldn’t he stop crying. 

He stared up at the ceiling focusing all his attention on one dot. His breathing slowed. 

_All I have to do is survive one car ride. All I have to do is go out there and apologize for taking so long. They won’t even notice that I’m upset, none of us have slept in so long. Everything is fine. I’m fine._

By the time he’d made it out to the car both Chris and Chandler were asleep in the backseat. 

“Come on, I convinced them to let you have the front seat since you're being dropped off first,” Jimmy spoke from behind the wheel. 

“Are you sure you should be driving? You look kind of tired,” Karl was impressed with how normal he sounded as he slid into the front and buckled up.

“Nah I’ll be fine, the whole trip should only take about 20 minutes. I’ll be in bed in no time.”

Karl must’ve fallen asleep before they’d even pulled out of the parking lot because the next thing he remembers is Jimmy shaking him awake and telling him to get out of the car. He’d somehow made it into his house and into his own bed in his delirious state. He’d been conscious enough to read the good morning text Nick had texted him, but fell asleep halfway through writing out a response back. 

*

“So lemme see,” Sapnap had blurted out as soon as Karl had picked up the facetime. 

Karl was still out of it having slept through the entire day and waking up sometime around 7 the next night. The first thing he’d done was text Nick profusely apologizing for leaving him on read, but he’d brushed off his worries immediately asking if they could call. 

“It’s not that cool, it’s like a tiny little baby tattoo,” Karl blushed from beneath the covers where he was still cuddled into bed, body still too tired to get up.

“Dude it doesn’t matter it’s a tattoo, no matter what it is it’s still cooler than someone who doesn’t have any.” Nick wouldn’t admit it but he’d tried to stay up to watch Karl get his tattoo. He knew how worried he was about getting it at all, especially on camera, since his phobia. Though the further into the night it became the more tired he got and he’d fallen asleep hours before Karl had even decided what to get. He was mad when he’d woken up the next morning, upset that he’d missed it, but he figured he’d be able to find clips of it somewhere on youtube.

“Fine, look.” Karl held his hand up to the camera, waiting for it to focus before moving his thumb to make it look like his hand was talking. 

“Oh my god, that is the most Karl tattoo I’ve ever seen,” Nick wheezed into the camera. “I love it.”

Karl hummed and buried himself back into his covers. “Yeah well at least someone does.”

“What, you don’t like it? Why?”

“No, it’s not that I don’t like it.” Karl groaned trying to put his thoughts into words. “I just, I just acted like a baby in front of like a million people. It’s so embarrassing Sap. I cried over two stupid dots.”

“Hey, you did not act like a baby. You were so brave. You have a needle phobia and you still got a tattoo. Those viewers knew why you were upset.” 

“I don’t know, I’m happy I got the tattoo. I just wish it hadn’t been on stream.” Karl sighed. “And I wish you’d have been there too.”

Karl started to drift back to sleep the ache of sleeplessness still not having left him.

“Oh Karl, you know I would’ve been there if I could’ve, but I’m so proud of you.”

Nick was only met with silence, “Karl?”

Nick smiled as he realized Karl had fallen asleep still on call. He took a couple screenshots before whispering a soft good night and ending the call. 

*

In the following days Karl recovered from his embarrassment of the whole acting like a baby on the internet thing. After talking to both Nick and the MrBeast crew he’d realized it actually wasn’t as big of deal as he’d first thought. 

The crew had also apologized profusely when he’d told them how much their teasing had hurt, but he’d insisted it was ok since they hadn’t meant it to be so mean. Yet something was still bothering Karl.

He’d been a little less loud in the past couple days. Instead focusing on something else, something he’d promised Jimmy when he’d first joined the channel he wouldn’t do. 

He read the comments. 

Not just the few that sat at the top of the videos laughing at the jokes and timestamping funny moments. No he scrolled and scrolled and scrolled. He read every single comment on every video that he’d been in on the channel and just for good measure found clips of their livestreams and read those too. 

He knew that he wasn’t the most appreciated member, he’d known from the start that people would be upset that he was “replacing” someone who’d been there from the start. 

Though he hadn’t realized just how many people didn’t like him. He’d grown too comfortable with the Dream SMP, there it seemed that people actually enjoyed him and thought he was funny. Going from the comments from his streams to the comments on the channel though. It was like a total 360.

And it hurt.

Maybe the comments were right. Maybe he was too loud. Too annoying. Maybe it was just a matter of time until those watching his streams figured it out too. 

According to some of the comments, maybe they already had. 

*

“Karl.”

“Karl.”

“Karl.”

Karl jumped when he realized that Jimmy was talking to him, “Sorry, what were you saying?”

Jimmy looked at him with concern, “I was just asking if you thought Chandler’s video idea was. Are you ok? You’ve been really out of it today?”

Karl felt a little trapped under the three boys' gaze, should he tell them about what's going on? No way, they’d just get upset with him for reading the comments in the first place. 

“Yeah I’m fine,” Karl insisted. “Just tired ya know, still not back on schedule from the 24 hour stream.” 

None of the boys seemed any less concerned, but they didn’t push him any further. They went back to talking about what they wanted to do for their next shoot with Karl trying to pay enough attention to give short answers enough to keep them from worrying further. 

By the time they’d finished their morning meeting to go there separate ways Karl wasn’t acting any less different. 

The boys brushed it off trying to just believe that Karl was tired, but in the time they’d been friends with the other boy he’d never been this quiet. Even when tired he was always talking. 

It had only been a couple hours though. Maybe he will be back to normal by tomorrow. Hopefully. 

*

**Karl :) @KarlJacobs_**

Sorry guys no stream tonight :(

Sapnap stared at the tweet in confusion. Why would Karl cancel his stream, he could’ve sworn just last week he was rambling on excitedly about his plans to build another chain restaurant on the SMP. 

**Nick**

Hey Karl you ok?

You haven’t streamed in a couple days

He waited for a response for over half an hour, getting more and more worried. Had he done something to upset Karl. He’d tweeted only minutes before Nick sent the text so why wasn’t he answering. 

He gave in and called Karl instead, hoping to get a quicker response to stop his worrying thoughts. Though it only went straight to voicemail. 

**Karl**

Hey sorry can’t talk right now

Nick sighed in relief, Karl was just busy. Ok that made sense. 

**Nick**

No problem!

Call me back whenever your free

But Karl didn’t call him back that night. 

Or the next. 

Or the next. 


	3. Spiraling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl gets worse. 
> 
> Chris gets worried.
> 
> Sapnap gets welcomed.

Karl was startled out of sleep by a loud ringing next to his head. He jumped only further tangling himself in a mess of sheets and blankets until he heard a loud thud a telltale sign of his phone once again hitting the floor. He was able to free an arm long enough to grab his phone and hit accept before even checking the caller ID. 

“Karl are you ok?” He heard from the other side of the line. 

“Chris? What’s going on, why are you calling me so early?” Karl groaned, fighting his body's urge to just go back to sleep. 

“It’s not early Karl it’s noon, we were supposed to start filming for the gaming channel over an hour ago. What’s going on with you I’ve called you like twenty times now.”

Panic built up in Karl’s chest as he could hear the disappointment in Chris’ voice. Oh god Jimmy was going to be so mad at him. “Sorry I must’ve fallen asleep without setting an alarm. I’ll be there as soon as I can I promise.”

“Don’t worry about it Karl, ok, by the time you get here we're going to be way behind schedule. We’ll just do it without you.”

“Oh, um ok. I’m sorry Chris I’ll set my alarm next time I promise.”

“It’s fine Karl just go back to sleep.” The line went dead. 

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. 

Chris was mad at him, Chris was disappointed in him. Why didn’t he just set his stupid alarm?

He sighed knowing that the anxiety in his system wasn’t going to let him go back to bed so he decided to just go on social media to hopefully distract himself from the stinging in his eyes and the knot in his throat, but as soon as he opened his phone he was reminded of what he had been doing the night before. 

Taking notes. 

On his screen were the comments of the most recent Mr. Beast video, the one where he finally won. He had been hoping that by winning he would prove to the viewers that he was meant to be in the group, but it was the opposite. The few comments about his annoying quirks turned into a flood of messages complaining about he hadn’t deserved to win. 

At least he had more things to work on now. 

*

The last Sapnap had heard from Karl was when he had texted him apologizing again for not calling him, but still had made no effort to. Sapnap had given up; he just assumed that Karl didn’t want to talk to him. I mean why wouldn’t he, the dude had been ignoring his calls for days now, but when Karl had reached a full week without streaming and hadn’t even bothered to come up with an excuse Sapnap had given in. There had to be something more going on. 

So he started calling again, and leaving voicemails. Voicemails telling Karl that he wanted to play on the SMP soon, even if Karl didn’t want to stream. Voicemails telling Karl all about what he thought of the new Mr. Beast video. Even voicemails pleading Karl to call him back because he was starting to worry. 

He had started lose hope when he got a text from a certain Chris. 

*

“So, how was your flight?” Chris knew he was being awkward, but what else was he supposed to talk about with his best friend’s online boyfriend guy that he’d never met and only flied out because he was worried about said friend. 

“Uh good? I mean I slept through most of it. So, have you talked to Karl recently?” Sapnap wasn’t really that interested in small talk, he wanted to know if Karl was ok and Chris was closer than he was. 

“Not really, last time I talked to him on the phone was two days ago when he was late to filming and I haven’t seen him in person since.”

“Have you texted him at all or given him any idea I was coming?”

“No he keeps telling me he is busy when I try to call him, and he has been editing videos from home, but he hasn’t been streaming so there is no reason for him not texting me back. What about you?”

“Nope. I’ve been leaving him voicemails, but I have no idea if he’s even been listening to them. And he’s been pretty blunt in texts it’s kind of hard to keep a conversation going let alone tell him I am flying thousands of miles to see him.”

“Well looks like it’s going to be a surprise then.”

Sapnap grimaced. 

*

Karl was so glad that they didn’t have any more filming scheduled for that week and that Jimmy had allowed him to edit from home, he really didn’t want anyone to see him like this right now. 

He felt like he was spiraling. He hadn’t showered in days and he felt disgusting but he just couldn’t get himself to just get up and shower and that only made him feel worse. He’d at least been able to change clothes today, from one pair of sweatpants and a hoodie to a different pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. Go him. 

He didn’t even know why he felt like this. He had made plans days ago on how to perfect his less annoying self act before the filming for the next main channel video and that involved him practicing being less annoying around his friends. 

But he couldn’t get himself to log onto the SMP and the longer he waited the more scared he was that his friends were going to be mad at him for going AFK for several days. Especially Sapnap. He’d been calling him for days and every time he listened to his message he made a promise to himself to call back and just talk to him. He just couldn’t work up the courage to though, and every time his phone started to ring again he panicked. 

He was going through last minute edits of the video Jimmy had sent him to work on when there was a knocking at his door. He tugged the headset off his matted hair and groaned when he realized he’d most likely have to talk to a real human person for the first time in days. 

He checked in his hallway mirror on the way to the door to make sure he looked at least halfway presentable. He didn’t. His hair was gross and he looked paler than usual. His clothes seemed a little baggier too. He ignored it though it was probably just the delivery guy and he didn’t care if the delivery guy thought he was a mess. 

He took a deep breath preparing himself before swinging open the door. 

On his doorstep was a man about his height, with brown hair, dressed in all black and oh so familiar. 

Karl slammed the door on his ~~crush~~ best friend. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i a very bad at responding to comments and also updating in a timely manner :(


	4. presence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sapnap is in da house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking forever to update dad kinda died

There was a brief moment where Karl thought that maybe he was hallucinating, maybe the lack of food in his system was catching up to him. 

“Jacobs, hey it’s Sapnap.” 

Definitely not a hallucination. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was coming, but I was worried about you. Can you please let me in?”

Oh god, what was he gonna do. Karl’s breathing started to increase as he realized how much of a mess his apartment and himself looked. Sapnap was gonna be disgusted by him. 

“Just, can I have ten minutes.” Karl whispered almost quiet enough that Sapnap didn’t hear it. “I just need to fix something.”

“Of course Karl, take your time ok?”

As soon as he heard those words he was off. He pushed all of the dishes in the sink into the still full dishwasher, not even putting them into their places just shoving them in and closing the door. Then he rushed to his room grabbing all of the clothes and empty wrappers on the floor and hiding them in the closet, grabbing one of the few clean hoodies and a pair of pants to change into before slamming the door. 

In the bathroom Karl let out another breath trying to figure out how to make himself look even somewhat presentable before he could even face Sapnap. He quickly washed his face and brushed his teeth before throwing on the fresh set of clothes. His hair was a whole other issue. The days of having not washed it wouldn’t be fixed with a simple brush, but he didn’t have time to shower he already felt horrible about making his friend wait outside. In the end he decided to leave it as is, there was nothing else he could do. 

He returned to the front door taking in a deep breath before opening the door. What he was met with was both Chris and Sapnap sitting on his front step turning to him with a shocked look on their faces. 

“Uh hi,” he breathed out, wincing at how rough his voice sounded. 

Sapnap immediately stood up and pulled him into a hug knocking the breath out of him. “Karl, oh my gosh it’s so good to finally see you in person.”

Karl froze for a second before melting into Sapnap’s arms, tucking his face into the other boy's neck and breathing in. He hadn’t realized how touch starved he was. 

“Did you guys plan this?” He asked stepping back to look at both Sap and Chris once they’d pulled away from the hug. 

“Well it was actually my plan,” Chris smiled. “Thought you deserved a surprise.”

Karl didn’t know why he would deserve anything with how distant and unproductive he’d been lately, but the thought of his two best friends plotting together to do something for him still brought a strange sense of warmth to his chest. 

“Do you guys want to come inside,” Karl asked, stepping away from the door. 

“Oh well I actually have to get home to watch Tucker, but I can come back later ok? Sapnap do you want to grab your bags out of my car?”

Sapnap looked towards Karl unsure if he would want the other boy staying in his house. “Do you want me to stay in a hotel or is it ok if I stay here for a couple days?”

“Of course you can stay here,” Karl gasped. “We can finally do the fireboy and watergirl stream we were talking about! I’ll help you grab your stuff.”

Sapnap let a small smile take over his face as Karl pushed past him to grab Chris’s arm and drag him to the trunk of his car. Karl’s mood had seemed to brighten significantly over the mere minutes he’d been here. Maybe Chris and him were worried about nothing. 

***

A few hours later Sapnap had woken up on the couch in Karl’s living room with a comforting weight pressed against his side and a head resting against his shoulder. He smiled down at the other boy, his previous worries about the boy melting away. 

It hadn’t been half as awkward as Sapnap had thought it would be after Chris had left. Karl had told him he hadn’t gone grocery shopping lately so they promised themselves they’d go later before ordering takeout through postmates. They’d settled down in the living room to eat while watching some cartoon Karl had insisted upon, but eventually the jetlag had caught up with him and Sapnap had fallen asleep against the armrest. Apparently Karl had fallen asleep not long after. 

Sapnap was still slightly worried about the smaller boy, but Karl had insisted he was fine and that he had just been tired the past couple weeks. Sapnap doubted that though, Karl had always had a weird sleep schedule and he doubted it was just catching up to him now. 

He knew it was wrong, but maybe if he snooped around a bit he could figure out what was up. He gently pushed the other boy away from him to rest his head against the opposite armrest and grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch to cover him up. 

After escaping the couch he made his way into the kitchen. He snooped through the cupboards and fridge realizing Karl had definitely been right about needing to go grocery shopping. After the kitchen he’d made his way down the hallway checking every door until he recognized the background of Karl’s old streaming setup. 

Karl’s room suited him. It had posters around the wall and weird trinkets on pretty much every surface. He smiled to himself when he saw the collection of youtooz on his desk, feeling a weird sense of pride at the fact that his little figure was sitting right next to Karl’s own. 

While making his way over to the desk he tripped on a stray shirt on the ground, swearing as he put his hands on the desk to catch himself. In the process he’d accidentally bumped the mouse causing the pc screen to brighten. 

Why was Karl looking at the Mr Beast comment section?


End file.
